I have a best friend who is happily married for eight years and already has two wonderful children. He is younger than me by three years that's why he considers me as his older brother. Whenever he has problems, I am his go to person. I know everything about him and he knows everything about me except ... my sexuality. He has no idea that I am bi-sexual. He has no idea that I have a deep affection towards him. The lowest point of my life was nine years ago when he told me that he will marry her college girlfriend. His wedding day was his happiest day of his life, but for me that was the most painful day of my life... standing beside the love of my life as his bestman, I cannot forget the hurt while he was professing his everlasting love to his wife to be.
As his bestfriend and bestman, I have to support him and his wife. I have to sacrifice my feelings, I need to be selfless, and to feel happy for the happiness of someone I love...even if I am dying inside. I never showed him my pain nor dare open the truth. Because I know it will be the end of our friendship if he finds out.
This year is their ninth year wedding anniversary, nine years have already passed but the hurt is still there. I am aware that we will only be bestfriend and we can never be more than that... but my heart is singing a different tune. I cannot stop my heart from loving my bestfriend. I don't know what to do anymore. Please help me Onelife Networx.
Falling in love is the greatest feeling in the world and that is probably the reason why you are holding on to that feeling towards your best friend... because you are truly in love with him. Love is a two way process for it to be successful. If your love is not being reciprocated, one side of the relationship will end up satisfied while the other half will end up feeling empty and desperate. This is probably the reason why you are hurting, because the love and sacrifice that you are giving your bestfriend is not being reciprocated. Probably the love that your bestfriend is giving you is just a love a friend gives a friend and not a love that lovers long for. I truly believe that your feelings towards your bestfriend is true and I also believe that your heart is overflowing with love towards him. However, time will come when your heart will get tired and your heart will only remember the accumulated pain that you have been nurturing for many years. Time will come when your love will become hate and sometimes anger. Do not wait for that time to come.
There is no right word to describe love. But all I know is that love should not hurt. A person who is in-love should be happy and not the other way around. My advice to you Mr. Samuel is to love yourself first. Because if you love yourself, you will not let that pain stay inside you. You deserve a happy life and you should stop living a sorrowful life. Your sexuality should never be an issue to someone who considers you as bestfriend. A friend should accept you the way you are and you need not pretend to be someone else. Maybe its time for your bestfriend to know the truth. Nine years (or more) is long enough and your pain needs to rest once and for all. This way you can live a life you deserve.
Dear OneLife Networx,
Next year,me and my long-time boyfriend will finally get married and settle down. Honestly, I am still virgin and I am already 35 years old. My boyfriend knows about it and I am proud of it. My boyfriend who is also 35 is no longer innocent when it comes to sex. Before he became my boyfriend 5 years ago, he had a live-in partner for almost 3 years.
Since he became my boyfriend, he made some attempts to "do it" with me, but he is very understanding every time I said no. Though there are times when I want to surrender my virginity to him but I always remind myself about my personal vow that I will only give "it" to my husband on the night after our wedding.
My married girl friends always warn me that sex is a very important aspect of married life. Having to little or too much of it can break or make your marriage.
I am bit scared because I am not a sexual person, I am worried I might not be able to satisfy the sexual needs of my future husband. With all the opinions I am receiving from my friends I am now willing to surrender my virginity to my boyfriend if ever he will ask me again. What do you think? Please help. I need your advice.
Sex is the ultimate expression of love. Sex is actually a very sacred act. But in our modern times, sex is now some sort of an obligation or a routine that should be performed by couples. Yes it is true that sex is part of any mature relationship, but sex should not be the center of it.
As long as you have deep love for your boyfriend as he is to you, I don't think your being conservative will not be a future issue. Your feelings towards each other is enough to lead you to your sexual activities. Just go with the flow of your feelings. But If your personal conviction of "no premarital sex" is important to you, then your boyfriend should support you on this. His respect towards your conviction is a living proof that he truly loves you. If you are scared that he might look for other girls as outlet to plug-in his sexual urges, then he do not deserve your virginity.
Also, stop listening to the warnings of your married girlfriends. Sexual activities of married couple (even unmarried ones) differ from each other. What's true to them may not be necessarily true for you. You and your future husband should create your own sexcapades that is suited to both of you. Forget about the sexual standards dictated by society. Your marriage is about you and your future husband and your girlfriends opinions are merely opinions, you should not take them seriously.
Dear Onelife Networx,
I am 28 year old real estate agent and I currently have a girlfriend for almost three years. We enjoy each other but we never discussed any long-terms plans like marriage. I do love her and I am comfortable with the idea of spending my life with her. But I am scared because I might still find other girls out there who is more beautiful, more intelligent, and more lovable than my current girlfriend. My girlfriend is just an average girl and sometimes I cannot stop myself from secretly seeing other girls just to explore other options. Honestly, I feel guilty doing it, but I am also scared I might be depriving myself of other possibilities or I may say opportunities for a better relationship. I am confused, I need your advice.
Dear Confused Boyfriend,
Those girls that you are secretly seeing right now, you may find them better than your current girlfriend as of this moment... but sooner or later you will also find imperfections in them. Nobody is perfect, not even you. Instead of blaming your girlfriend for being "average" maybe you should consider adjusting your "standards" towards your partner or your perspective towards a relationship. We are not suggesting you lower your standards, maybe your current standards are unreasonably high or too perfect.
I also find it very unfair that you are still hunting for other girls while maintaining your current relationship. You mean you will just walk away from your girlfriend for three years once you found someone better than her? I find it so rude and so ungentleman of you.
Relationships are built on trust and from trust it grows to love. If you have doubts in your relationship,it means there is no love. Do not hold on to a relationship that you do not trust.