Dear OneLife Networx,

Next year,me and my long-time boyfriend will finally get married and settle down. Honestly, I am still virgin and I am already 35 years old. My boyfriend knows about it and I am proud of it. My boyfriend who is also 35 is no longer innocent when it comes to sex. Before he became my boyfriend 5 years ago, he had a live-in partner for almost 3 years.

Since he became my boyfriend, he made some attempts to "do it" with me, but he is very understanding every time I said no.  Though there are times when I want to surrender my virginity to him but I always remind myself about my personal vow that I will only give "it" to my husband on the night after our wedding.

My married girl friends always warn me that sex is a very important aspect of married life. Having to little or too much of it can break or make your marriage.

I am bit scared because I am not a sexual person, I am worried I might not be able to satisfy the sexual needs of my future husband. With all the opinions I am receiving from my friends I am now willing to surrender my virginity to my boyfriend if ever he will ask me again. What do you think?  Please help. I need your advice.
 
Respectfully,

Anne


Our reply

Dear Anne,

Sex is the ultimate expression of love.  Sex is actually a very sacred act. But in our modern times, sex is now some sort of an obligation or a routine that should be performed by couples.  Yes it is true that sex is part of any mature relationship, but sex should not be the center of it. 
 
As long as you have deep love for your boyfriend as he is to you, I don't think your being conservative will not be a future issue.  Your feelings towards each other is enough to lead you to your sexual activities. Just go with the flow of your feelings. But If your personal conviction of "no premarital sex" is important to you, then your boyfriend should support you on this. His respect towards your conviction is a living proof that he truly loves you. If you are scared that he might look for other girls as outlet to plug-in his sexual urges, then he do not deserve your virginity.

Also, stop listening to the warnings of your married girlfriends. Sexual activities of married couple (even unmarried ones) differ from each other. What's true to them may not be necessarily true for you. You and your future husband should create your own sexcapades that is suited to both of you.  Forget about the sexual standards dictated by society. Your marriage is about you and your future husband and your girlfriends opinions are merely opinions, you should not take them seriously.

Dear Onelife Networx,

I am 28 year old real estate agent and I currently have a girlfriend for almost three years. We enjoy each other but we never discussed any long-terms plans like marriage. I do love her and I am comfortable with the idea of spending my life with her. But I am scared because I might still find other girls out there who is more beautiful, more intelligent, and more lovable than my current girlfriend. My girlfriend is just an average girl  and sometimes I cannot stop myself from secretly seeing other girls just to explore other options. Honestly, I feel guilty doing it, but I am also scared I might be depriving myself of other possibilities or I may say opportunities for a better relationship. I am confused, I need your advice.

Regards,

Confused Boyfriend

Our reply

Dear Confused Boyfriend,

Those girls that you are secretly seeing right now, you may find them better than your current girlfriend as of this moment... but sooner or later you will also find imperfections in them. Nobody is perfect, not even you. Instead of blaming your girlfriend for being "average" maybe you should consider adjusting your "standards" towards your partner or your perspective towards a relationship. We are not suggesting you lower your standards, maybe your current standards are unreasonably high or too perfect. 

I also find it very unfair that you are still hunting for other girls while maintaining your current relationship. You mean you will just walk away from your girlfriend for three years once you found someone better than her? I find it so rude and so ungentleman of you.

Relationships are built on trust and from trust it grows to love. If you have doubts in your relationship,it means there is no love. Do not hold on to a relationship that you do not trust.