Hi OneLife,

I hope you don't mind me sharing my story here. I'm at a crossroads in my life, and I could really use some advice. My name is Sarah, and I've been in a committed relationship with my partner, Alex, for the past ten years. We've built a life together, sharing countless memories, dreams, and challenges. Alex has been my rock, my confidant, and my best friend. But lately, things have changed, and I'm feeling incredibly torn.

A few months ago, I met someone new at a friend's party. His name is Jake, and from the moment we started talking, there was an undeniable spark. It was as if we had known each other forever. Our conversations flowed effortlessly, and I found myself drawn to his energy and passion for life. We exchanged numbers, and what started as friendly chats quickly turned into something more.

I never intended to develop feelings for Jake, but here I am, caught in this whirlwind of emotions. When I'm with him, I feel alive in a way I haven't felt in years. He challenges me, inspires me, and makes me laugh. It's exciting and new, but it's also terrifying because I never imagined I'd feel this way about someone other than Alex.

Alex and I have a solid foundation, but over the years, our relationship has become comfortable, maybe too comfortable. We've fallen into routines, and while there's a deep love and respect between us, the spark that once ignited our passion seems to have dimmed. We've talked about it, tried to rekindle the romance, but nothing seems to stick. It's like we're two ships passing in the night, connected but distant.

Now, I'm faced with an impossible decision. Do I stay with Alex, the person who knows me better than anyone, who has been there through thick and thin? Or do I explore this new connection with Jake, risking everything I've built with Alex for the possibility of something different and potentially more fulfilling?

The guilt is overwhelming. I never wanted to hurt Alex, and the thought of breaking his heart is unbearable. Yet, I can't ignore these feelings for Jake. They keep me up at night, swirling in my mind, making it hard to focus on anything else.

I've tried to weigh the pros and cons, imagining my life with each of them. With Alex, there's stability and history, a shared life that feels like home. With Jake, there's excitement and potential, a chance to rediscover parts of myself I've long forgotten. But what if I'm just chasing a fantasy? What if this is just a fleeting infatuation that will fade over time?

I wish there was a clear answer, a sign pointing me in the right direction. But life isn't always that simple, and matters of the heart rarely are. I've considered talking to a therapist, hoping they might offer some clarity, but I'm scared of what I might uncover.

So here I am, reaching out to you all, hoping for some guidance, some words of wisdom. Have any of you been in a similar situation? How did you navigate the complexities of love and loyalty? I know ultimately the decision is mine to make, but hearing your experiences might help me find the courage to follow my heart, wherever it may lead.

Thank you for taking the time to read my story. Your support and advice mean the world to me.
​
Warmly, Sarah

Dear OneLife Networx,

Next year,me and my long-time boyfriend will finally get married and settle down. Honestly, I am still virgin and I am already 35 years old. My boyfriend knows about it and I am proud of it. My boyfriend who is also 35 is no longer innocent when it comes to sex. Before he became my boyfriend 5 years ago, he had a live-in partner for almost 3 years.

Since he became my boyfriend, he made some attempts to "do it" with me, but he is very understanding every time I said no.  Though there are times when I want to surrender my virginity to him but I always remind myself about my personal vow that I will only give "it" to my husband on the night after our wedding.

My married girl friends always warn me that sex is a very important aspect of married life. Having to little or too much of it can break or make your marriage.

I am bit scared because I am not a sexual person, I am worried I might not be able to satisfy the sexual needs of my future husband. With all the opinions I am receiving from my friends I am now willing to surrender my virginity to my boyfriend if ever he will ask me again. What do you think?  Please help. I need your advice.
 
Respectfully,

Anne


Our reply

Dear Anne,

Sex is the ultimate expression of love.  Sex is actually a very sacred act. But in our modern times, sex is now some sort of an obligation or a routine that should be performed by couples.  Yes it is true that sex is part of any mature relationship, but sex should not be the center of it. 
 
As long as you have deep love for your boyfriend as he is to you, I don't think your being conservative will not be a future issue.  Your feelings towards each other is enough to lead you to your sexual activities. Just go with the flow of your feelings. But If your personal conviction of "no premarital sex" is important to you, then your boyfriend should support you on this. His respect towards your conviction is a living proof that he truly loves you. If you are scared that he might look for other girls as outlet to plug-in his sexual urges, then he do not deserve your virginity.

Also, stop listening to the warnings of your married girlfriends. Sexual activities of married couple (even unmarried ones) differ from each other. What's true to them may not be necessarily true for you. You and your future husband should create your own sexcapades that is suited to both of you.  Forget about the sexual standards dictated by society. Your marriage is about you and your future husband and your girlfriends opinions are merely opinions, you should not take them seriously.

Dear Onelife Networx,

I am 28 year old real estate agent and I currently have a girlfriend for almost three years. We enjoy each other but we never discussed any long-terms plans like marriage. I do love her and I am comfortable with the idea of spending my life with her. But I am scared because I might still find other girls out there who is more beautiful, more intelligent, and more lovable than my current girlfriend. My girlfriend is just an average girl  and sometimes I cannot stop myself from secretly seeing other girls just to explore other options. Honestly, I feel guilty doing it, but I am also scared I might be depriving myself of other possibilities or I may say opportunities for a better relationship. I am confused, I need your advice.

Regards,

Confused Boyfriend

Our reply

Dear Confused Boyfriend,

Those girls that you are secretly seeing right now, you may find them better than your current girlfriend as of this moment... but sooner or later you will also find imperfections in them. Nobody is perfect, not even you. Instead of blaming your girlfriend for being "average" maybe you should consider adjusting your "standards" towards your partner or your perspective towards a relationship. We are not suggesting you lower your standards, maybe your current standards are unreasonably high or too perfect. 

I also find it very unfair that you are still hunting for other girls while maintaining your current relationship. You mean you will just walk away from your girlfriend for three years once you found someone better than her? I find it so rude and so ungentleman of you.

Relationships are built on trust and from trust it grows to love. If you have doubts in your relationship,it means there is no love. Do not hold on to a relationship that you do not trust.