Separated Husband and Hurting Father

Dear Onelife Networx,


My wife and I separated last year, she left me for another man. We have two children, 10 and 15 years of age. I took both my children and we are now living with my parents. My children are aware of the situation especially the older one. However, my 10 year old child still keeps on asking for his mother. I always tell him that she is working abroad and I am not sure when she will come back. I know that I cannot forever hide our true situation from him, but the problem is my son is suffering from a mental disorder and if he becomes upset, he goes wild and he sometimes hurt himself.

My 10 year old son really loves her mother. Every time he has a mental attack/seizure, the only person who can calm him down is his mother. Honestly, I am very worried about my son, I don't know what kind of life is in store for him. I am scared for his future. I know one of the reason why my wife left us is because of him. She once told me that she is already tired of taking care of our special child and she is scared of the responsibilities that she has to face. Now I am all by myself to carry those duties. Aside from being a provider, I still have to take care of my children's special needs and I am not sure if I'm as capable as my wife.

I don't know how long I can hold on to this. I am still hurting from my marriage separation. I am also angry with my wife for leaving us. I am also very worried for my children and I don't know what to do anymore.  I don't know where to start. Before I go to sleep, I can't help but cry.  I have to be strong for myself and for my children but my heart is crying and feel helpless inside. Please help me.

Hoping,

Andrew


Our reply:

Dear Andrew

Your first concern should be your 10 year old son, he needs special care and lots of attention. Since you have a full-time job, we think it would be difficult for you to handle his special needs and to focus on your job at the same time. We suggest you seek assistance of your parents (if they are still young to handle it) or you might want to seek professional services if you can afford it. We are not saying that you are not capable of taking care of your child, we just want to unload you so that you will have more energy to perform your job (which we believe is your only bread and butter as of now) and more energy to handle the day to day requirements of your family. 

Once you have secured your child's special requirement, you can now start healing your pain. Find someone, a friend or a close relative whom you can share your problems. Find a person who is willing to lend their ears  or someone whom you can cry to. You need to unload the burden that you are carrying inside you. If you do not have such friend, your parents is your best option. Do not be scared to show them that you are in pain. Your parents will always be there for you.

And finally, do not forget to seek help from our Creator, whatever you are facing now, it's all part of His grand master plan. Maybe this challenges that you are facing now will teach you important lessons in life that you will find very useful in the future. Continue to be strong.

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