I have a neighbor who is also my kumpadre, one of his children is my inaanak. He is a stay-at-home dad and his wife is currently working as a top executive of a prestigious manufacturing company. His wife is the bread winner and my kumpadre is in-charge of taking care of their children. I am very close to their family in-fact, me and his family has this monthly tradition of spending lunch together every last Sunday of the month. My wife is also very close to his wife and they even call each other as kumare even if they are not. My problem is, my kumpadre is having an affair with one of our neighbor - who is also married. It was one Tuesday afternoon, I was leave from work, when I decided to drop by my kumpadre's house. When I was about enter their gate, I saw my kumpadre and our neighbor passionately kissing in a hidden portion of their garage. I did not bother them and I left secretly and hoping they did not noticed me.
My kumpadre and I shared lots of personal secrets though I am not expecting that he will tell me everything including his current sexual affair with this neighbor of ours. I am just surprised that my kumpadre will go into that kind of activity for I have known him as a faithful husband and a loving father. I consider him as my best-friend and I don't want him to be involved in such affair for it will result to an eventual destruction of his relationship with his wife and his children. I don't know if I will talk to him about this or I will just pretend that I don't know anything. Please give me an advice.
This is our reply.
For me, a true friend is not afraid to criticize you or point out your flaws. If you are a true friend to your kumpadre, you should be honest enough to tell him what you saw that Tuesday afternoon. If your kumpadre will admit to you that he is indeed having an affair with your neighbor, do not be afraid to tell him your fear of loosing his marriage and trust of his children if he will continue with his elicit affair. A friend has a responsibility to look after the welfare his friend, if you think your kumpadre's affair with your neighbor will put him in a bad state, you should be sincere enough to help him out of that relationship. If your kumpadre will not follow your advice despite your effort to convince him to move out of that immoral relationship, you are free of guilt if situation goes bad... because as far as you know, you did your part as his friend.
I also believe that your role should be limited to your kumpadre only. I don't advise you to go straight to his wife to divulge what you know. Let your kumpadre face the music and let destiny decide whether he will be forgiven or will be disowned by his wife. Whatever will be his fate with his family, you should continue to be his friend and never abandon him if ever his wife decides to leave him because of his infidelity.
A true friend accepts who you are, but also helps you become who you should be.
I am a 35 year old mother with two children aged 3 and 6 years old. I am currently working here at Toronto, Canada for almost five years as a part-time caregiver and as a part-time kitchen staff in a small restaurant near my apartment. I left the Philippines because I thought life here in Canada is better as compared to the Philippines. I left my managerial position in one of the largest bank in the Philippines and I also left my two children to my husband. Before I got married, I graduated as Cum Laude in one of the exclusive university in Manila. My boyfriend, now my husband was a restaurant owner of one of the coffee shop near our school. After I graduated from college, I easily got a job and my career was very successful. I got married to my boyfriend, then we had two wonderful daughters and our life was wonderful. Not until my husband's coffee shop went bankrupt. He lost his business and he was having difficulty establishing new ventures and it always fail. Our savings were wiped out because of his unsuccessful attempts to establish new business. He got depressed and he was very insecure with me because that time I was the one providing for the family. We always fight about our finances. He once accepted a full-time job as a sales manager but he quit after a few months because he is not used to working as an employee, he always insists that he wants to be an business owner. My salary can no longer support my family so I started looking for options. This is the reason why I end up here in Canada. I sacrificed my respectable position in the Philippines so I can work here in Canada as a caregiver during the day and I wash dishes in the evening. I feel so degraded, this is not the life I dreamed of. I have lost my pride, my dignity, and my confidence. I hate myself and my life for being in this situation. I don't know what to do with my life anymore.
Here is our response.
Don't hate yourself or your life. All these challenges that you are currently experiencing are just temporary. These challenges are meant to make you stronger and wiser person so don't give up on yourself. Looking at your story, you have indeed accomplished so much! You finished college as an honor student, you had a great career, you are a wonderful mother and an understanding wife. And your greatest accomplishment was when you sacrificed all these blessings and chose a less prestigious job and a lonely life in Canada. You should consider that as an accomplishment because not many people can handle that. Don't look at your situation as a "demotion" of your social status. Instead, be proud that you are a selfless person in this selfish world. Always put in your head that every time you are doing all these care-giving and dishwashing, you are getting closer to making the lives of your family in the Philippines better.
You are hurting because your situation took toll on your pride. This is the reason why you feel lowly of current job and this is the reason why you have lost confidence on yourself. Maybe at the back of your mind you are saying that a magna cum laude should be a high ranking officer of a big company and not a dishwasher by night. We totally understand that, that is human nature.
Always remember this: Jesus, the son of God went in this world not to assert His Name as Son of God. Instead, He served the needy and He cured the sick. He was selfless that's why He gave His own life so that sinners like us can be saved. If the Son of God who is higher than all of us managed to set aside His pride so He can save us, who are we to complain if our pride will be tested in some part of our lives?
Be grateful with what you have. Don't hate your life, live it and love it!