I have a best friend who is happily married for eight years and already has two wonderful children. He is younger than me by three years that's why he considers me as his older brother. Whenever he has problems, I am his go to person. I know everything about him and he knows everything about me except ... my sexuality. He has no idea that I am bi-sexual. He has no idea that I have a deep affection towards him. The lowest point of my life was nine years ago when he told me that he will marry her college girlfriend. His wedding day was his happiest day of his life, but for me that was the most painful day of my life... standing beside the love of my life as his bestman, I cannot forget the hurt while he was professing his everlasting love to his wife to be.
As his bestfriend and bestman, I have to support him and his wife. I have to sacrifice my feelings, I need to be selfless, and to feel happy for the happiness of someone I love...even if I am dying inside. I never showed him my pain nor dare open the truth. Because I know it will be the end of our friendship if he finds out.
This year is their ninth year wedding anniversary, nine years have already passed but the hurt is still there. I am aware that we will only be bestfriend and we can never be more than that... but my heart is singing a different tune. I cannot stop my heart from loving my bestfriend. I don't know what to do anymore. Please help me Onelife Networx.
Falling in love is the greatest feeling in the world and that is probably the reason why you are holding on to that feeling towards your best friend... because you are truly in love with him. Love is a two way process for it to be successful. If your love is not being reciprocated, one side of the relationship will end up satisfied while the other half will end up feeling empty and desperate. This is probably the reason why you are hurting, because the love and sacrifice that you are giving your bestfriend is not being reciprocated. Probably the love that your bestfriend is giving you is just a love a friend gives a friend and not a love that lovers long for. I truly believe that your feelings towards your bestfriend is true and I also believe that your heart is overflowing with love towards him. However, time will come when your heart will get tired and your heart will only remember the accumulated pain that you have been nurturing for many years. Time will come when your love will become hate and sometimes anger. Do not wait for that time to come.
There is no right word to describe love. But all I know is that love should not hurt. A person who is in-love should be happy and not the other way around. My advice to you Mr. Samuel is to love yourself first. Because if you love yourself, you will not let that pain stay inside you. You deserve a happy life and you should stop living a sorrowful life. Your sexuality should never be an issue to someone who considers you as bestfriend. A friend should accept you the way you are and you need not pretend to be someone else. Maybe its time for your bestfriend to know the truth. Nine years (or more) is long enough and your pain needs to rest once and for all. This way you can live a life you deserve.