Dear Onelife Networx,
My wife and I separated last year, she left me for another man. We have two children, 10 and 15 years of age. I took both my children and we are now living with my parents. My children are aware of the situation especially the older one. However, my 10 year old child still keeps on asking for his mother. I always tell him that she is working abroad and I am not sure when she will come back. I know that I cannot forever hide our true situation from him, but the problem is my son is suffering from a mental disorder and if he becomes upset, he goes wild and he sometimes hurt himself.
My 10 year old son really loves her mother. Every time he has a mental attack/seizure, the only person who can calm him down is his mother. Honestly, I am very worried about my son, I don't know what kind of life is in store for him. I am scared for his future. I know one of the reason why my wife left us is because of him. She once told me that she is already tired of taking care of our special child and she is scared of the responsibilities that she has to face. Now I am all by myself to carry those duties. Aside from being a provider, I still have to take care of my children's special needs and I am not sure if I'm as capable as my wife.
I don't know how long I can hold on to this. I am still hurting from my marriage separation. I am also angry with my wife for leaving us. I am also very worried for my children and I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know where to start. Before I go to sleep, I can't help but cry. I have to be strong for myself and for my children but my heart is crying and feel helpless inside. Please help me.
Your first concern should be your 10 year old son, he needs special care and lots of attention. Since you have a full-time job, we think it would be difficult for you to handle his special needs and to focus on your job at the same time. We suggest you seek assistance of your parents (if they are still young to handle it) or you might want to seek professional services if you can afford it. We are not saying that you are not capable of taking care of your child, we just want to unload you so that you will have more energy to perform your job (which we believe is your only bread and butter as of now) and more energy to handle the day to day requirements of your family.
Once you have secured your child's special requirement, you can now start healing your pain. Find someone, a friend or a close relative whom you can share your problems. Find a person who is willing to lend their ears or someone whom you can cry to. You need to unload the burden that you are carrying inside you. If you do not have such friend, your parents is your best option. Do not be scared to show them that you are in pain. Your parents will always be there for you.
And finally, do not forget to seek help from our Creator, whatever you are facing now, it's all part of His grand master plan. Maybe this challenges that you are facing now will teach you important lessons in life that you will find very useful in the future. Continue to be strong.
Dear OneLife Networx,
I am a single mother. My son who is turning 5 years old this December is already going to school. My job as a call center agent is not enough to give me and my son a comfortable life. I have no regrets having a son, I love him so dearly, he is actually my inspiration, he is my source of joy.
But sometimes I cannot help myself from longing for someone who will take care of me and share all my pains and burden. How I wish I have someone besides me who will hug me when I am lonely or someone whom I can share my pain. How I long for someone, a partner, a husband... I am not expecting you to help me find a husband (LOL), I just want to share my thoughts, maybe you can give me an advice. Thanks!
Dear Single Mom,
Thank you for your email. We share your pain and we know how difficult it is to raise a child all by yourself. Being a single parent means wearing two hats, hat of a mother and hat of a father. This is the reason why most single parents end up tired and lonely because the are left with no one to take care of them. Maybe this is what you are feeling right now - you are already tired.
Having a partner or a husband might not be the solution to your problem. If you think of it, having a husband may entail additional work for you because as a wife you also have certain responsibilities towards your husband. Being in a relationships is a big responsibility. Since you are already tired, taking another role may not be a good idea right now.
We suggest that you try to assess your current situation first. If you feel your current job is not providing you well, maybe you could look at other employment opportunities elsewhere. Sometimes, money problems affects our outlook towards life. Your current outlook seems gloomy maybe because your financial health is not so stable. Work on that first.
If you are looking for someone to hug you during your challenging moments or if you are yearning for someone whom you can share your pains, a close friend maybe your immediate option right now.
As a final note, there are millions of single parents out there who are very happy and contended with their current situation. Be one of them.