I am about to get married next year to my long-time girlfriend. We've been in a relationship for almost three years last Valentines day I finally proposed to her. Right now we are very busy with the wedding preparations. Unfortunately, we are having some disagreements on where we will stay after our wedding. She is insisting that we rent a separate house near our work in Makati. Our second option is to stay in my house in Mandaluyong which is also near Makati. However, my fiancee does not want to stay in my house because according to her, she might not get along with my mother. My mother just turned 70 years old. She is a single mom and she raised me and my younger sister by herself. My father left my mom when she was still pregnant with my younger sister. If I remember it right, I was four years old that time. My sister will also get married next year and she is planning to live with her future husband in New Zealand. If that will happen, my mother will be left all by herself. Of course I will not let that happen, that's why I want me and my wife to stay in our house in Mandaluyong so I can also look after my mom once my sister decide to settle in New Zealand. My dilemma is my future wife, I love her and I want to give her what she wants - which is to live separately with my mom. I also love my mom and I also want to take care of her. Please help me.
Here is our response.
Congratulations on your soon to be wedding and we wish you and your future wife the best of life together!
Marriage is sacred. When you get married, you and your wife will become one... both in the eyes of God and in the eyes of man. Unfortunately, marriage involves union of two personalities - you and your future wife. How to reconcile these two personalities are challenges that most couples will face once they enter the aisle of marriage. Irreconcilable personalities usually lead to divorce or separation. For a marriage to work (or any relationship as well), both parties should be wiling to compromise their differences in some point of their married life. One party should never "over" dominate the other for each party deserves a voice in all aspects of your relationship. There are certain perks that you freely enjoy during your single-hood years that you can no longer enjoy once you get married, one of those perks is making decisions by yourself without the consent of your partner. In your current issue with regards as to where you will settle down after your wedding, your future wife is correct that she might find it difficult to get along with your mom. Based on studies, most wives have problems getting along with their mother-in-laws as compared to husbands who are more adaptable with their in-laws. However, considering that your mom is already 70 years old, it is ungrateful of you if you will not take care of her. She took care of you and your sibling during the time when both your wings are still weak to fly. Now that you are strong and will enter a new chapter of your life, it doesn't mean that you will close your door to the person who nurtured you, who fed you, and to the one who took care of you when your feet are still weak to face the challenges of life. Your mother will always be your mother, her love towards her children is forever. Our obligation to our parents should not stop when we enter the phase of marriage. Having a family of our own should not be an excuse for not providing support to our parents. Now that they are aging, their minds and their bodies are slowly becoming weak. As children, this is the right time to give back the love that our parents gave us for their days in this world are already numbered. I believe that you and your wife have a soft spot in your heart to welcome your mom in your new chapter of your life. Let her be part of your new family. She deserves your care and your time. Someday, you will also get old like your mom. It will probably hurt you if your children will just abandon you when they start their own families right? Lets not just honor our parents. Let's love them! As the saying goes ... "Love your parents, we are so busy growing up, we often forget that they are also getting old."